After surrendering myself to Jesus, I thought I’m prepared to handle anything including my marriage. Now, I’ve been married for almost two years and as days go by, it gets harder and tougher. So how I wish I would have known these things before everything else.
1. Marriage is NEVER designed to make you happy.
Contrary to Hollywood romance and books, marriage will never complete you. I remember the famous line from one of Tom Cruise films, “you complete me.” It is not true!! Marriage will never complete you, neither will make you happy. Rather, God created it for your SANCTIFICATION.
Ephesians 5:25-33: “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, …”
To sanctify means to change you. To make you holy. To prepare you for a life full of love, patience, selflessness and full of forgiveness.
“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. (1 Corinthians 13:4-8)”
Apart from the companionship it brings us, it’s ultimately invented by God to change our character as He prepares us for an eternal life.
2. Marriage is NOT easy.
It takes a lot of adjustment from both end. It’s a constant surrender of our self pride and wishes.
I remember how I wake up every day wishing my husband will be the “dream man” I want him to be. I wish he would give in all the time, and be a “yes person” in our relationship. Unfortunately, it does not exist in my reality.
Oftentimes, I face day to day challenges in my marriage, and these things don’t come lightly. It almost pushed me away, but God is FAITHFUL.
“Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate. (Mark 10:9)”
3. Your spouse will NEVER be the same person after marriage.
People grow, and it can either be good or not. Regardless of how huge the change is with your spouse, your marriage should sum up what it means to be in love and to commit yourself to your significant other for the rest of your life.
Genesis 2:24: “Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.”
And last but not the least,
4. It takes MORE than you and your spouse to make it work.
Ecclesiastes 4:12: “Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.”
No matter how hard you both contribute to make your marriage work, only Jesus can hold you together for the rest of your life.
In my marriage, seasons change. Autumn is when we know we are about to have issues in which we need to be prepared. It could be financial, sickness or anything. While winter is often long just like the marital problems my husband and I face at times. It’s cold and dark. Times when we sometimes almost want to give up. Nevertheless, there is Spring as well. Those are the moments that marriage is a little more calm, and smooth sailing. It brings out new beginnings. And there’s Summer. It is often the season we almost look forward and during these times, we hope to invest more in our marriage and enjoy the blessings from God.
Now, if you are to ask me whether I regret anything after marriage, the answer is NO.
I don’t regret marrying my husband. I may have set the bars too high, but it’s good to know that he is not Jesus. He could never make me happy, nor complete me. He is not a christian YET, but I believe God who He gave His one and only Son Jesus to revive us from death, is faithful.
Furthermore, I have no regrets with my marriage, in general. I may be a christian, but I am not perfect. If I was, I would have not needed God’s grace in my life every day.
I fail, I hurt and I cause pain towards my husband, but it doesn’t mean I would stop loving him just like how much God loves me. Likewise, divorce is never an option for me and my husband. We strive to make things work through Jesus. I want to be able to look back and see my grand children say, “hey! That’s my grandpa and grandma, and they have been married for 50 years because Jesus was in the center of their marriage!”
So if you’re STILL single and God makes you wait, I say.. REJOICE! I don’t mean it in a bad way because I completely understand how difficult it is to wait for the right person and to be married. However, the reality is there is NO ONE right for you. God’s ultimate goal is to make you the right person for your future spouse, not the other way around.
Another reality is that God loves you, and He has great plans for your future. Don’t rush. Let love find its way to you.
“Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you: Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires. (Song of Solomon 8:4)”
A Girl in Dream World 