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Forever is not enough.

I want you to know that I don’t care about forever. I want you for as long as I’m meant to have you.

Seeing someone cries in front of you, creates a small spot on your heart. But to see a grown up man cry, it will not only create a spot, but it will literally make your heart melt. This is exactly how I felt when I saw you weep. For that moment you might be weak and vulnerable, but for me that’s not the case. Thus, you were just emotional and being true to yourself.

We were planning about the future, which is somehow we are not together. Yes, a future where we will never end up together. You told me you’ll eventually end up with an Indian girl, just like how your parents wish. Unfortunately, you added that there is nothing you can do about it. And to be very frank with you, it hurt me.

Hearing these things from you, inflicted pain. I was thinking on how you can even say that you’ll never end up with me. But seeing those tears coming down from your eyes, made me weak. Trust me, for a moment I was speechless. It was my first time to see you cry. Scratch that, it is actually my first time to see a man literally sobbing. And I admire you for being real. You told me you don’t want to lose me. You even asked me why we needed to meet, if eventually we’ll part ways. And you even made it clearer, how much you love me.

But guess what? I love you too. I want to cry just like you. But I chose not to. I needed to be strong for you, when you feel weak. I want to be your shoulder to cry on. On the other side though, I wanted to tell you to fight for me and never let go. I wanted to ask you to just stay with me forever, but I couldn’t. I am not selfish. I care about you and how you would feel. I know you love your parents and I want you to be with them. Even if the consequence is for you to lose me, I’ll do it just to see you happy.

So I have decided to live at the moment and enjoy every single minute of it. I’ll not expect forever on your end, and will just accept things that I cannot change. For I know, God has greater plans on why we’ve crossed each other’s path. Whatever that reason may be, we still opt to know.

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Closure.

Closure (n)
the act of closing; the state of being closed.

After all these confusions, I was able to talk to you and address my feelings. Initially, it’s giving me pain deep down especially when you’re finally moving on. I know for a fact that you’re seeing someone new already. Don’t take me wrong, I have nothing against that. In fact, it was me who prayed for your happiness. And it’s a good thing that it’s already happening.

Closure is what I needed. I had to see you again to let myself know that I’m completely okay even without you. In the first place, it’s me who left you. It’s me who gave up on our relationship. It’s me who let go. God clearly answered the questions and doubts in my heart. He knows what exactly to do. And somehow, He did it.

Looking back over the years, I have no regrets that I’ve met you. It was all because of Kaella and that’s the only reason. Unfortunately, other things are not really meant to be. But it’s all good. I’m happy and you’re happy. We are both happy. That’s what matters. At the end of the day, we finally had the closure.

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Unfair.

Can you even imagine how unfair you are? Now that you’re single, you do a lot of things that I long for us to do together. Simple request that I asked from you and yet, you didn’t give me.

Clearly, you’re enjoying yourself now. I hope you have a good time. So stupid of me to stalk your profile every now and then. So here what I get from you, nothing but sadness. Thank you for being unfair.

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Wishing you to be happy.

When you finally let go of the past, something better comes along.

It was not an accident that I’ve read your blog again. Somehow I’m completely aware that it’s me who made a choice, when I’ve decided to let you go. It’s been more than three months since we broke up and you’ve been badly broken with what I did to you. All I ever brought you was pain and sadness. However, after seeing your blog post yesterday, it made me feel different. Different in a sense that I’m happy and yet I feel sad at the same time. Happy because you’ve finally replaced me in your heart. Sad, because you’ve finally seen a replacement. How ironic isn’t it? I never thought you’ll fall for someone that quick. But then again, I’m glad you’re life is starting to have a meaning again.

Nevertheless, I’m happy for you. Finally, you have let go of me and you’ve seen someone else to change your way of perspective. Somehow, I think I know who this girl is. I’m also aware that we were introduced to her both at the same time, so I already had a glimpse of this girl. Anyhow, I wish you both happiness, just like how I found mine. That’s all I ever wanted for you from the very beginning. At last, you’re starting to be in love once more.

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An Open Letter

Dear X, Good bye. Love, your X.

The Fickle Heartbeat

an open letter

Shared by imperfectant.

I loved you. I’m not sure whether I still do, but I’m sure I did at a point, and I did with every fiber of my being. You brought me unexplained happiness that took over me every time I saw you or spoke to you, something that so many others failed to do at the time, but you did perfectly well. It wasn’t just hormones or infatuation or absentmindedness or any other thing, it was love.

I can say I saw you at your best when you said you felt like a rock star. I was also there when you started doubting yourself and revealing your inner demons to me. I see you conquering audiences with your intelligence and wit, and I see you losing your cool to small things. You’re both so strong and so fragile, so human in a way I never thought…

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