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Giving up.

There’s a difference between giving up and knowing you had enough.

Each one of us is entitled to make our own decisions. We create our own path. So if at the end, something bad will happen, it’s called regrets. The challenge is to get back up, each time we fall down.

My life is pretty devastated nowadays. Mind is stressed out and my body is dragging me to work. Issues about relationship arises. Lately, I’ve been really confused with my feelings for my partner. I’ve been easily attracted to every boy in my office, which is not normal for me. I cannot call myself faithful, but I am definitely loyal. I know there’s no difference between the two, and it doesn’t matter to me anymore. The thing is, my feelings for him are slowly fading away.

Last night, I was out with my colleagues. It was then that I realized I had to break it up. For once, I need to be fair and just with my partner. I’ve been cheating on him, since I can’t remember. I know I can’t justify this one, but I certainly have valid reasons. So, I made the biggest decision of my life. I literally went out from my comfort zone for six years. I broke up with my long time partner, the father of my kid. It was not easy. I’m at lost with words. But no matter how I say it, he would still be hurt.

I might be the biggest loser for breaking up with an almost perfect guy. But I have my own needs, I want genuine happiness. Inner peace, so to speak. Why would I constantly cheat, if I’m happy? Why would both of us will be in pain, if things are working out the way it should be? Love should give you real joy, not to swim in pain. I might regret this soon. Some might even think that this is where karma comes around. For me, I gained more. I took one step further. I grew up. This is where my road to maturity starts.

Sometimes, giving up is the only option you have. It’s for both of us.

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Work.

Just breathe.

Ever since I resigned from my previous company, I was having a hard time looking for the perfect job for replacement. Don’t get me wrong, I know perfection is far from reality. So I would like to replace it with another adjective, and that is ideal. I need a company that will bring out the best in me, while salary and benefits come after. I want my colleagues to be supportive and not some two faced, back stabbers. The work load should give you lessons in life, but not to the extent that will take your personal life away from you.

Unfortunately, none of these do exist. Apparently, I’m stuck with an international retail company that gives me a lot of stress. That’s right. You heard me. STRESS. How long will I take this? Overtime. Literally, beyond working hours. Small pay. Heavy work load. God only knows when will I last.

Is this my life long karma for leaving my old company? Hope not.