“Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a NEW thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way to the wilderness and streams in the wasteland. – Isaiah 43:18-19”
** What I am about to share is very sensitive and if you are facing mental health issues, please seek help. **
Last Friday, I received a phone call from my husband, if not, one of the worst calls I ever had in my life.
My father in law unfortunately committed suicide by hanging himself and it was his younger children who accidentally found him.
My husband was devastated. He couldn’t speak, he just cried to me over the phone. I had to leave everything at home while preparing a baby shower for a friend.
I was shaking while driving together with my daughter. We both didn’t say anything inside the car. Everything was just quiet and still. Until we arrived at his workshop wherein I found my husband just completely shattered.
I felt helpless. I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t know what to do. I just hugged him and cried with him.
And that was the only time he allowed himself to grieve.
Right after that sudden moment of grief, he had to take over immediately. I accompanied my husband all the way to his dad’s house because his 17 year old sister panicked. She didn’t want to be at the same home where her dad died.
Jakob had an older sister and a younger brother too. His older sister was more devastated than anyone. She couldn’t handle the pain. She was screaming, crashing things, and blaming their dad’s step mom for everything.
Meanwhile, their younger brother didn’t have any reaction. He was shocked.
At that moment, we knew that my husband had to take over and it was very difficult for me to see. My husband didn’t even have time to grief.
I couldn’t do anything, I could only pray for him. But despite praying, my heart is broken. It’s filled with a lot of questions, mostly irritation as to why my father in law would end his life.
Why did he choose to leave this world without saying goodbye to his children? Why does my husband have to take over and take care of his siblings?
We even brought his 17 year old sister in our home. Although we had an extra bedroom, she wouldn’t want to stay alone after everything. She slept on the same bed with us which ended up not being able any one of us to sleep. It was extremely exhausting. Husband and I were both tired. It was not easy, but yet we understand the situation.
I even had to ask my daughter to allow Jakob’s sister to sleep at her room the next day. My daughter is kind enough to agree, but she said she will have a hard time. As a mom, I felt her anxiety.
And it has been this way until now. Not only that, their youngest brother thought of taking his life too. He sent me a video recording himself in Snapchat telling me he has thoughts of dying.
I questioned God why He allowed these things to happen knowing I have NO RIGHT to do so. Simply because He is the creator of the universe, the alpha and the omega. He knows what He is doing.
But as a human being, a sinner saved by His grace, I couldn’t comprehend the pain everyone is going through especially my husband.
Days have passed, my husband’s sister mentioned that despite her mom wanting her to be with them, she told me that she is not ready and she will never be. She has no good relationship with her mom and due to this reality, she doesn’t want to ever live with them even if it’s a new home.
I was just listening and wondering how I will be able to accept the situation of taking care of a soon to be 18 year old girl. In my thoughts, I still believe that families should stay together especially that she and my husband still has a younger brother alone with their mom.
I asked my husband about his thoughts into this, and he told me that if his sister wants to be at our home for the rest of her life then let it be.
Honestly, I felt so anxious and neglected. Overwhelmed at the same time, not because I am selfish and not capable of understanding their grief. Rather, I strongly believe that when healing takes place, families should be reconciled and remain intact.
I rejected the idea and made my husband cried while crying at the same time. I spoke to a few people, read a few articles and suppressed myself to the Word of God. Prayed a lot. I couldn’t breathe and I don’t know how will I be the “godly person” in a difficult and uncomfortable situation.
Later this morning, I prayed, cried and encountered God through an article as to how handle difficult situations or decisions while being submissive to your husband.
And this is what I wrote to my husband..
“I just wanted to say one thing..
I understand the situation and what you are going through.
I’m so sorry you didn’t have time to grieve because you wanted to help. I know you are a good person and I appreciate you for that.
Concerning Oli, I know it was never easy what she had been through. I can’t even think of words to say how sad I am for her and for your entire family.
I’m letting you decide what you think is best for us, for Oli and for everyone.
In the future when her mom gets an apartment, I still think she needs to go home to be with them especially Jan. Her brother needs her too.
But if you think she can be here with us because it’s what you think is best, then I’m not gonna go against your decision.
It’s difficult for me in the long run even after Doris and Jan have settled in a new home, but I’m submitting to your decisions
because you are my husband and I love you. I don’t want you to feel that you are alone. I understand and I am here with you.”
This was probably the most selfless decision I ever made on the most difficult situation in my six years of marriage with my non believer husband. But if this is what it takes for me to win him over Jesus, as well as his entire family, then I surrender to God’s will.
A Girl in Dream World 