Marrying Him is God’s Will.

It’s 3AM, and I am still wide awake..

I feel restless today, so I thought of continuing the post I wrote earlier about…

“I married an unbeliever”

It’s almost two months, since I came back to Philippines. With a heavy heart, I managed living apart from my husband in Sweden. It was never easy especially on realizing things after marriage.

However, God is faithful to hold on to His promises in my life, particularly in marriage. Despite the backslide, a few bumps along the way, little I know God indeed was guiding me all the way.

Marrying my husband is God’s will. Yes, it is His will. If you are a follower of Jesus, there is no accidents with Him. God, being sovereign as always, is in complete control. Likewise, He is and will always be in charge of my life.

Amidst confusion, God is faithful. He revealed to me His plans for my husband, our marriage and his faith in this verse from Romans 15:13,

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.

It is the same verse on which God used to speak to me, when God revealed who my husband will be.

Now, if you happen to be on the same road of confusion, like what I had earlier? Never let go of God. Keep praying, believing while standing firm in faith.

Even if you don’t see changes in your situation or circumstances, keep on seeking Him. Is anything too hard for God?

Credits: Pinterest (photo)


Live by Faith, NOT by Fear

Hebrews 13:8 “Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.” 

It is 11am and I can’t concentrate on my pending tasks. My mind and heart are at sorrow because of so much persecution from people I love and cherish. At the same time, I feel blessed and somehow, I expected this will happen as a journey my new life with Christ.

Ever since the homosexuality issue arose, Manny Pacquiao has always been bold about his opinion based on Bible and his faith in Jesus. As a new person in Christ, I felt I needed to express my thought. With no hesitation, I agreed with Pacquiao’s point of view – that he is against same sex marriage. 

Perhaps, he wanted to convey the message from Bible, it’s just that he used terminologies which violated morality of others. Thus, Manny humbled himself and apologized for words he uttered. Yet, he stand on his belief based on an existing law from God. And I admire him for that.

Likewise, I don’t condemn homosexuals because I was ONCE like them, rather, I condemn the SIN. I have gay and lesbian friends as well, which I maintain a close relationship with. However, as a Christian, I abide by the law and commandments of God. As written on New Testament, 1 Corinthians 6:9 – 10…

Neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor male prostitutes, nor homosexuals, nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor slanderers, nor extortioners, will inherit the Kingdom of God.

Clearly, just like any other sin, homosexuality – same sex union / marriage is not pleasing on the eyes of our Lord. But because Jesus died in the cross, He brought grace and salvation. He sacrificed His life so we can have a personal relationship with His Father, God. All we have to do is just REPENT and ask for God’s FORGIVENESS THROUGH CHRIST. And this is exactly what I did, I repent, I asked for forgiveness and then, I became a NEW person in Him. By becoming Jesus follower, I had to undergo discipline and pain. Nevertheless, it is temporary and it made my relationship with Christ stronger.

Despite His love for us, He hates our sins. He condemns our sin. He rebukes the enemy on us. He disciplines us, and makes us a NEW PERSON in His Son. If we have the same love for God and His Son, Jesus, we will also rebuke the sin. We will not be conformed in this world or desires of the flesh, rather, we will obey the law and His commandments.

I am not perfect, I am a sinner just like everyone. But I try to stand on what is right and abide in God’s law. Moreover, I practice love for one another as this is Jesus greatest commandment. That is why I am here NOT to shove my belief, NOR force, rather I’d like to help my brothers and sisters who want to have Jesus as their Lord and Savior. 

Remember friends, God and Jesus is ONE. Thus, He is the same, today and tomorrow, and His laws will never remain the same, now and forever. 

God bless us all! 


An Open Letter

Dear X, Good bye. Love, your X.

The Fickle Heartbeat

an open letter

Shared by imperfectant.

I loved you. I’m not sure whether I still do, but I’m sure I did at a point, and I did with every fiber of my being. You brought me unexplained happiness that took over me every time I saw you or spoke to you, something that so many others failed to do at the time, but you did perfectly well. It wasn’t just hormones or infatuation or absentmindedness or any other thing, it was love.

I can say I saw you at your best when you said you felt like a rock star. I was also there when you started doubting yourself and revealing your inner demons to me. I see you conquering audiences with your intelligence and wit, and I see you losing your cool to small things. You’re both so strong and so fragile, so human in a way I never thought…

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She started living the life she imagined.

June 16, 2014 is the day I ended my six years relationship with my boyfriend. The day that I’ll never forget and soon might regret.

It was not easy to decide and stick with my decision. At first, I thought I could never end something that has been a big part of my life. I owe my ex boyfriend for having a beautiful daughter, whom I can call my own. He was the father of my kid, and that won’t change. He is my first in everything. However, things are not how it used to be. A lot has changed.

Countless times that I cheated on my ex. I could no longer keep track on how many men that I shortly dated, while I was in a relationship. I was selfish because I didn’t care on those people whom I got hurt. The only person I cared about is myself. If I deserve anything, that would be my karma. And I’m just waiting for it.

Oftentimes, I ask myself what if I didn’t commit infidelity, would God spare me from pain? I can’t remember how painful it was on those days that I was still in a relationship. Every day I would pray that I would be treated with respect and care. Each day I ask for unconditional love for my mistakes. Each moment, I only wish for happiness. And yet, I didn’t get any.

Now, it’s time to set things right. It is the right time to grow and change for the best. Someday, he would thank me for this. I just hope there would be no more regrets, but only forgiveness.


Prove them wrong.

Prove them wrong.

People would judge you and for me, it is a fact. Regardless if that person is close to you or not. In my life, I have experienced hardships and failures. Countless times that I fell down, but immediately stood up afterwards. But there are these moments that you can no longer stand up and fight.

I cheated a lot at my partner. I can’t remember how many times, but I’m pretty much sure that I cheated. I know there are no justifications for my mistake. However, I believe that there are reasons behind it. I always wanted an escape in my current relationship. For the previous years, I was never really happy. I always wanted an escape for my burden in my relationship. In which, some people did not understand. No one knows how devastated I am with how my partner treats me. I was alone in these battle between love and martyrdom. I kept on asking myself if love is still enough. Sadly, I never found out the answer.

Recently, I came into fight with several people and with my closest friends. All of them thought that my partner do not deserve someone like me because of how I treated him. But did someone even bothered to ask me, why I did that in the first place? No one did. And there will always be two sides in every story. They only look down to someone who cheated, but never to someone who was maltreated which caused her to cheat. No one understand.

But I will not give up. I’m about to prove them wrong.


A bad start for 2014.

New Year, brand new start, new beginnings.

New year is all about reuniting and forgiving each and every one. So as much as possible, that’s how I want my 2014 to be.

Last Friday, I had problems with my boyfriend’s friends. While I was on my way home, I saw one of his friend’s status on Facebook saying, “dinner with 5 people blah blah”. Down on the comments, my guy posted “hanep a”. Surprisingly, my boyfriend was not invited. Initially, my reaction was different. I had to rushed home and asked my boyfriend about that status. He said, he has no idea at all. Then, that’s when I started shaking angrily and became upset.

Beforehand, I asked his friends already if there would be a party for that night, since it was one of his friends who will celebrate a birthday. They told me it was postponed until next week. So I was a bit shocked, when I saw their status about dinner on that same night. Nevertheless, I asked my boyfriend about what really happened with him and his friends. His reaction was nothing. Due to this, I felt sorry for him, that’s why I had to post how I really felt that night on my status. After all, everyone’s entitled to their own opinion.

Thinking that all his friends would react negatively, I still did what I had to do. As much as possible, I don’t want to invade their friendship at all sort, because I have no right at all. But then again, it was my boyfriend who was hurt and affected by that dinner issue.

Day after, I asked for an apology to all of his friends. Somehow, I knew I made a mistake and I felt guilty about what I posted on the social networking site. As I expected, it took them some minutes before I received a reply. Even if I was also hurt, I accepted everything they said and had no reaction except “sorry, it won’t happen again”.

Wanting a little bit of his sympathy, I told my boyfriend about what really happened. Instead of telling me that he also understand my part, I was wrong. His reaction was totally different. He nagged me and told me that I should have not interfere with him and his friends’ issue, because I’m not a part of their circle. However, I didn’t mean to invade their friendship at any sort, I only felt bad because of what they did to him. But still, his reaction was negative. So I had no choice, but to apologize to him as well.

After these bad issues that happened, I asked myself why I had to experience these. What could I’ve possibly done wrong, to deserve this treatment from him and everyone around him? I really felt sad and more depressed. Although I had an issue with them back in 2008, I’ve already moved on. Why can’t they?

I envy those girls who were not judge by their boyfriend’s family or friends. If only I could be like them. Sigh.



How would you know, if you still are making the right choices?

Have you ever experience in your life, wherein you commit the same mistake which caused you the same problem, over and over again? Actually, I never felt so tired in my whole life, until this day came forward. I know I may sound hypocrite for saying this a lot of times. Trying to give up and move on, but ending up on the same track. So tiring, literally. I want change. And I want it now.
How I wish I could explain what had happened. But I just can’t.

I know I’m strong enough to do this on my own. I know I can. And I believe that I can. I will. God help me.



Whatever makes me pumpin’, it keeps me goin’.

Two people I love the most will celebrate their birthday this weekend. Probably, a valid reason why I need to spend all my money, so I can buy gifts for both of them. Call me an excessive spender, but this is how generosity suck my savings out. I have a huge tendency to overspend on things, especially during special occasions. Now, I’m totally broke. A weakling, so to speak.

However, if this is how it takes to be a good girlfriend and a mother, nothing can stop me from going. Moreover, money isn’t enough, love is more than what is enough.