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Live by Faith, NOT by Fear

Hebrews 13:8 “Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.” 

It is 11am and I can’t concentrate on my pending tasks. My mind and heart are at sorrow because of so much persecution from people I love and cherish. At the same time, I feel blessed and somehow, I expected this will happen as a journey my new life with Christ.

Ever since the homosexuality issue arose, Manny Pacquiao has always been bold about his opinion based on Bible and his faith in Jesus. As a new person in Christ, I felt I needed to express my thought. With no hesitation, I agreed with Pacquiao’s point of view – that he is against same sex marriage. 

Perhaps, he wanted to convey the message from Bible, it’s just that he used terminologies which violated morality of others. Thus, Manny humbled himself and apologized for words he uttered. Yet, he stand on his belief based on an existing law from God. And I admire him for that.

Likewise, I don’t condemn homosexuals because I was ONCE like them, rather, I condemn the SIN. I have gay and lesbian friends as well, which I maintain a close relationship with. However, as a Christian, I abide by the law and commandments of God. As written on New Testament, 1 Corinthians 6:9 – 10…

Neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor male prostitutes, nor homosexuals, nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor slanderers, nor extortioners, will inherit the Kingdom of God.

Clearly, just like any other sin, homosexuality – same sex union / marriage is not pleasing on the eyes of our Lord. But because Jesus died in the cross, He brought grace and salvation. He sacrificed His life so we can have a personal relationship with His Father, God. All we have to do is just REPENT and ask for God’s FORGIVENESS THROUGH CHRIST. And this is exactly what I did, I repent, I asked for forgiveness and then, I became a NEW person in Him. By becoming Jesus follower, I had to undergo discipline and pain. Nevertheless, it is temporary and it made my relationship with Christ stronger.

Despite His love for us, He hates our sins. He condemns our sin. He rebukes the enemy on us. He disciplines us, and makes us a NEW PERSON in His Son. If we have the same love for God and His Son, Jesus, we will also rebuke the sin. We will not be conformed in this world or desires of the flesh, rather, we will obey the law and His commandments.

I am not perfect, I am a sinner just like everyone. But I try to stand on what is right and abide in God’s law. Moreover, I practice love for one another as this is Jesus greatest commandment. That is why I am here NOT to shove my belief, NOR force, rather I’d like to help my brothers and sisters who want to have Jesus as their Lord and Savior. 

Remember friends, God and Jesus is ONE. Thus, He is the same, today and tomorrow, and His laws will never remain the same, now and forever. 

God bless us all! 

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Christmas Gift

Proverbs 3:12 because the Lord disciplines those he loves, as a father the son he delights in.

Just when I thought this Christmas is the saddest moment of my year, God showed me instead that it is the time to rejoice and start all over again.

My ex fiance left for good and went back to his country. Like a lost sheep, I was all alone and heartbrokened. I even questioned Him on why I was going through this problem.

However, it is during this hard time when God spoke to me and asked me to come home. God is my Lord and Savior, and He as my Father, disciplines me as His own daughter. He brought me back to the right track, just when I seem to be so lost. He understands how painful this discipline may be, but it is His way to remind me to trust His plans accordingly.

I know God will sustain me and help endure pain. For He gave me the most wonderful gift this Christmas, and it is the restoration of my relationship with Him.

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Fairy Tale No More.

The LORD is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit (Psalms 34:18).

About a month ago, I posted a blog about my engagement. Yes, I got engaged! However, TODAY my engagement has been called off. No third parties or whatsoever, it was a mutual decision. No one knows why we had to end this way. Both exerted efforts to fix things, and yet, it’s not enough.

For the past few months, I was restless and scared especially December is nearing end. I was unsure if I really wanted marriage with my ex boyfriend, because if I choose him, I will lose my daughter. It’s not that my daughter didn’t accept him, instead, it’s the other way around. He told me all his conditions even before he fought for me with his family. I agreed, probably I was fascinated with the idea of marriage. Weddings, engagement, etc. are all my delusional dreams ever since I broke up with the dad of my kid. So going back to the topic, we both decided to get married only because of sudden emotions.

Last weekend, my ex fiance started to feel dull. We had a huge fight, which even made me go back to my family’s house. At that time, I thought that was the end. But I took the courage to talk and fix things with him. So everything went back normal. Nevertheless, I was wrong. We are not totally fine. Relationship is still on the rocks. He is confused, and so am I.

We discussed all the issues and confusions this evening. I asked him to decide and this time around, it should be firm and final. I made it clear to him that he should not feel guilty for whatever decision he would come up with, since this decision is matter of life and death. Both of our future would rely on this, and he agreed.

Clocks ticking and minutes have passed, he hasn’t given me his answer, until the moment I was waiting for came. Actually, I don’t want to hear his decision. However, I should be brave enough to endure pain, since I’m mentally stronger than him.

He uttered the words, and finally decided not to pursue anymore due to constraints and other complications. For a minute, I felt numb. Tears started to drop and I can’t help it. All of a sudden, my dream wedding ended.

I had no choice but to accept his decisions. I needed to be strong and accept my long awaited punishment for all my sins in the past.

Now, I’m only praying for one thing, may God help me endure this pain ONCE AGAIN. I know I cannot handle this alone, and will never be. I’m not perfect and I commit sins. But God is a loving God, and His love will never fail.
To be continue…

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Engagement.

And I said, “Yes”! 

 

Seven years ago, I stopped fascinating about fairy tales, happy endings, forever, etc. I thought all these are fake and there’s no chance it will happen. However, one guy came to my life and changed my whole perspective.

After breaking up with my long term boyfriend, I decided to be single for a while. I chose to love and prioritize God above anything else. Since then, my life never felt so complete and happy. Until one day, this new guy came into my life.

He’s none other than the same guy, whom I was talking about in my previous posts. Our almost-one-year relationship is a struggle and we thought of giving up. With God’s grace, we overcome all challenges. A lot of issues arise and glad all of them are solved. Even before the engagement, we had a dinner with his family and mine to discuss marriage. God has never blessed me so much, and I couldn’t even ask for more. Although, I still have a few more wishes, I know in God’s time, things will be perfectly fine.

 

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Official.

Someday, someone will walk to your life and will make you realize why it never worked out with anyone else.

As you can see from my previous blogs, we are both having a lot of confusions to whereas why we don’t want to rush things. It was clearly written that we are both taking our time before entering any kind of commitment. However, this decision didn’t last long. After a few months of roller coaster ride, we finally became OFFICIAL.

I couldn’t be happier with this decision that I made. I’m more ready in a serious relationship and so are you. The drama talk that we had when we were in an out of town trip, made us closer together. Despite the cries and tears from both end, somehow we managed to fix the problem. Having said that, I know for a fact that I love you even more now.

So cheers to a new life for us! Looking forward to more exciting moments and fun filled moments with you. Now, I know why it never worked out with anyone else. God truly had His greater plans for me.

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Forever is not enough.

I want you to know that I don’t care about forever. I want you for as long as I’m meant to have you.

Seeing someone cries in front of you, creates a small spot on your heart. But to see a grown up man cry, it will not only create a spot, but it will literally make your heart melt. This is exactly how I felt when I saw you weep. For that moment you might be weak and vulnerable, but for me that’s not the case. Thus, you were just emotional and being true to yourself.

We were planning about the future, which is somehow we are not together. Yes, a future where we will never end up together. You told me you’ll eventually end up with an Indian girl, just like how your parents wish. Unfortunately, you added that there is nothing you can do about it. And to be very frank with you, it hurt me.

Hearing these things from you, inflicted pain. I was thinking on how you can even say that you’ll never end up with me. But seeing those tears coming down from your eyes, made me weak. Trust me, for a moment I was speechless. It was my first time to see you cry. Scratch that, it is actually my first time to see a man literally sobbing. And I admire you for being real. You told me you don’t want to lose me. You even asked me why we needed to meet, if eventually we’ll part ways. And you even made it clearer, how much you love me.

But guess what? I love you too. I want to cry just like you. But I chose not to. I needed to be strong for you, when you feel weak. I want to be your shoulder to cry on. On the other side though, I wanted to tell you to fight for me and never let go. I wanted to ask you to just stay with me forever, but I couldn’t. I am not selfish. I care about you and how you would feel. I know you love your parents and I want you to be with them. Even if the consequence is for you to lose me, I’ll do it just to see you happy.

So I have decided to live at the moment and enjoy every single minute of it. I’ll not expect forever on your end, and will just accept things that I cannot change. For I know, God has greater plans on why we’ve crossed each other’s path. Whatever that reason may be, we still opt to know.

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Closure.

Closure (n)
the act of closing; the state of being closed.

After all these confusions, I was able to talk to you and address my feelings. Initially, it’s giving me pain deep down especially when you’re finally moving on. I know for a fact that you’re seeing someone new already. Don’t take me wrong, I have nothing against that. In fact, it was me who prayed for your happiness. And it’s a good thing that it’s already happening.

Closure is what I needed. I had to see you again to let myself know that I’m completely okay even without you. In the first place, it’s me who left you. It’s me who gave up on our relationship. It’s me who let go. God clearly answered the questions and doubts in my heart. He knows what exactly to do. And somehow, He did it.

Looking back over the years, I have no regrets that I’ve met you. It was all because of Kaella and that’s the only reason. Unfortunately, other things are not really meant to be. But it’s all good. I’m happy and you’re happy. We are both happy. That’s what matters. At the end of the day, we finally had the closure.

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Unfair.

Can you even imagine how unfair you are? Now that you’re single, you do a lot of things that I long for us to do together. Simple request that I asked from you and yet, you didn’t give me.

Clearly, you’re enjoying yourself now. I hope you have a good time. So stupid of me to stalk your profile every now and then. So here what I get from you, nothing but sadness. Thank you for being unfair.

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Wishing you to be happy.

When you finally let go of the past, something better comes along.

It was not an accident that I’ve read your blog again. Somehow I’m completely aware that it’s me who made a choice, when I’ve decided to let you go. It’s been more than three months since we broke up and you’ve been badly broken with what I did to you. All I ever brought you was pain and sadness. However, after seeing your blog post yesterday, it made me feel different. Different in a sense that I’m happy and yet I feel sad at the same time. Happy because you’ve finally replaced me in your heart. Sad, because you’ve finally seen a replacement. How ironic isn’t it? I never thought you’ll fall for someone that quick. But then again, I’m glad you’re life is starting to have a meaning again.

Nevertheless, I’m happy for you. Finally, you have let go of me and you’ve seen someone else to change your way of perspective. Somehow, I think I know who this girl is. I’m also aware that we were introduced to her both at the same time, so I already had a glimpse of this girl. Anyhow, I wish you both happiness, just like how I found mine. That’s all I ever wanted for you from the very beginning. At last, you’re starting to be in love once more.