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To You. 

In love, there is no fear. Rather, perfect love casts out fear.

1 John 4:18

No amount of words could ever describe the pain I feel at the moment. The feeling is so familiar. It reminds me of a situation occured in the past that led me completely to God’s arms.

Before I said “yes” to the relationship, I deeply prayed about it. In which every decision I take, I ask God for His guidance. 

I still remember those times I always want to leave because I was so scared to fall in love again. However, God asked me to STAY and I did. Trusting God without having any assurance is walking by faith. As Christians, we are called to trust in the Lord. In which, I did exactly as commanded. I could not forget this instagram post, 

Try again, this time with God.

And so I did..

I might not understand what’s happening, all I know is what I feel for you — I love you.. so much.. I prayed for you.. I prayed for God’s will.. I prayed for you to surrender your life to Him.. That you will love and honor God more than me.. 

Trust me, I never wanted to give up. I want to stay. I could trade anything in the world now, just to be with you. 

I may be so scared right now, on what will happen. All I know is that God loved me unconditionally knowing that I might never love Him back, and as a Christian — He wants me to be Christlike. He wants me to LOVE unconditionally with NO FEAR. And that is what I want to do.. 

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Doubting God.

For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and future. ❤️ 

Jeremiah 29:11

Did you ever question God? Did you ask why you have pain despite surrendering everything to Him?

Lately, my mind drifts away. Life seems to be tougher than ever. It reached the point I asked why I have struggles, anxiety and fear. To think that I’ve surrendered my life to Him. I did my part as His follower. I tried my best to share the gospel to others. All my decisions are based on His words. What could possibly go wrong?

Nevertheless, I started to feel depress. I even thought of going back to my old lifestyle, where life is way easier and carefree. Each day, “I ask, why Lord? Why do I have pain? “..

However, God is PATIENT. He knows I am weak. He is able to handle my ambiguities or doubts. More than that, God is FAITHFUL. He ALWAYS keeps His PROMISES. No amount of sin can ever change God’s mind for His greater plans and purpose in my life. 

All those times I doubted, there was no instance He never answered my questions. God wants me to HOLD ON. He wants me to have FAITH on Him. I may not understand what’s going on right now, but I TRUST Him. God knows what He is doing and He is in STILL in CONTROL. 

I realized it was never what I did for Him, rather it’s what Jesus Christ did for me in the cross — when He gave His life for my eternal life. The most perfect description of unconditional love (John 3:16). ❤️

What about you? Do you trust God? 

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An Open Letter To My Future Husband

“And God has made everything beautiful in its time” ❤️

Ecclesiastes 3:11

A Letter To My Future Husband,

As a little girl, I’ve always dream of having my own prince charming who would rescue me from the tall castle. A knight and shining armor who would slay the dragon just to be with me. Growing up, I’m in love with the same idea that chivalry is not dead. 

Little I know, I was already saved by a Man 2,000 years ago. A Man who gives UNCONDITIONAL LOVE that no gentleman can ever offer to any woman (John 3:16). He is God and Man at the same time, who went down to serve and not to be served. 

He thought me to dream BIG and believe that nothing is impossible with Him (Phil 4:13). That all I need is FAITH and a heart to OBEY His word. A Man who assures me that I am loved and worthy to be pursued. He reminds me that as long as He exist, I will NEVER be alone. A Man I call my Lord, my Savior, my King, He is Jesus Christ.

As He prepares me to a NEW SEASON, I can finally say that I am READY for you. That God molded me first to do His will and advance His kingdom. 

He is now ready to give my heart to you. That He is more than willing as long as you promise Him that you seek Him first and His kingdom. That you will honor and serve Him with all your heart. For God prepares you to take charge of our family. That you are ready to accept me and my past. That you will love my daughter Kaella, more than you will love me. 

My future husband, know that I always pray for you. I promise to honor and submit myself to you. That I will keep my purity until the day we say, I do. ❤️

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Fear not. 

“Don’t be afraid, just believe.” Mark 5:36

Have you ever been in a situation you had doubts? Whether you prayed or believed something, but never happened?

Often times, I find myself questioning why certain things are not happening. Despite praying about it, God seems to be slow in answering my prayers. I started to fear, worry and think that God is not hearing. Or probably, I’m not loud enough to say what I want. 

However, God is BIGGER than my doubts. He is able and faithful. God takes care of His sheep because He is our shepherd. He knows us by name and promises to answers our prayer whenever we call upon to Him. Little we know, God is working from the backend. 

Hence, all we need is FAITH. We have to believe and obey His word. Regardless how long it may take for God to answer, we should remember that God operates in season (Ecc 3:11). And that all things work together for the good of those who loves Him (Rom 8:28).

Step out of faith and believe that God hears us because we are His children. If you pray in name of Jesus, know that your requests are already answered. Do not be afraid, just believe. 

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Public Testimony. 

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here! 

2 Corinthians 5:17

My life has changed since I met Jesus Christ! Here is a testimony that I like to share with you. 

When I was a kid, I used to search love from fairy tale and romantic films. Perhaps the reason was having a broken family. My parents separated when I was 12 years old. How they parted ways was still vivid in my memory.

Growing up alone was the hardest. There was no proper guidance, I guess.

During highschool and college, I studied in an exclusive school for girls which led me to homosexuality. In between, I worked in the modelling industry to sustain a luxurious life.

Things changed after meeting my kid’s dad. Got pregnant at the age of 20, since I wanted to have my own family. After six years of relationship, decided to part ways because I was not really happy. 

Entered a lot of short time happiness and flings, but never really had the satisfaction until I met my 2nd boyfriend. He was a foreigner and his culture was different. In him, I found security and contentment. To conclude, my entire life revolved around him. Hence, he was my greatest idolatry. 

The guy proposed marriage and I accepted. At first, I was in cloud nine. However, I started to feel different. I was NOT happy. Maybe the relationship was not right. He accepted my past, yes. He loves me, yes. But he cannot bring my daughter, once we fly and live in his country. And that changed my entire perspective. Finally, both decided to call it quits.

Trust me, my life was shattered into pieces. My heart was broken, even I questioned God why I had to go through these. What is my purpose? Why do I exist? 

However, it is during this tough moment when God spoke and asked me to come home. God is my Lord and Savior, and He as my Father, disciplines me as His own daughter. He brought me back to the right track, just when I seem to be so lost. He understands how painful this discipline may be, but it is His way to remind me to trust His plans accordingly. 

He spoke to me through this bible verse,

 “”In the same way I will not cause pain without allowing something new to be born,” says the Lord. “If I cause you the pain, I will not stop you from giving birth to your new nation,” says your God.”” Isaiah 66:9

That minute, I surrendered my life to Jesus. It was a 180 degree turn! A radical change, right? 

Last January, I joined my friends in fasting and requested only one prayer. I asked if I can have a personal relationship with Him. True enough, I got baptized last April 17, 2016. Indeed God is faithful! I was not worthy of His love, but because Jesus died for me, it became all worth it. I was forgiven and His grace saved me through His death on the cross.

Now, I believe there is a reason why you are reading my testimony. It was not an accident, so to speak. Like me, you were chosen by Him. God has plans for you no matter how bad your life is. Jesus never promised it would be easy. He promised only one and that is ETERNAL LIFE. 

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Live by Faith, NOT by Fear

Hebrews 13:8 “Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.” 

It is 11am and I can’t concentrate on my pending tasks. My mind and heart are at sorrow because of so much persecution from people I love and cherish. At the same time, I feel blessed and somehow, I expected this will happen as a journey my new life with Christ.

Ever since the homosexuality issue arose, Manny Pacquiao has always been bold about his opinion based on Bible and his faith in Jesus. As a new person in Christ, I felt I needed to express my thought. With no hesitation, I agreed with Pacquiao’s point of view – that he is against same sex marriage. 

Perhaps, he wanted to convey the message from Bible, it’s just that he used terminologies which violated morality of others. Thus, Manny humbled himself and apologized for words he uttered. Yet, he stand on his belief based on an existing law from God. And I admire him for that.

Likewise, I don’t condemn homosexuals because I was ONCE like them, rather, I condemn the SIN. I have gay and lesbian friends as well, which I maintain a close relationship with. However, as a Christian, I abide by the law and commandments of God. As written on New Testament, 1 Corinthians 6:9 – 10…

Neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor male prostitutes, nor homosexuals, nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor slanderers, nor extortioners, will inherit the Kingdom of God.

Clearly, just like any other sin, homosexuality – same sex union / marriage is not pleasing on the eyes of our Lord. But because Jesus died in the cross, He brought grace and salvation. He sacrificed His life so we can have a personal relationship with His Father, God. All we have to do is just REPENT and ask for God’s FORGIVENESS THROUGH CHRIST. And this is exactly what I did, I repent, I asked for forgiveness and then, I became a NEW person in Him. By becoming Jesus follower, I had to undergo discipline and pain. Nevertheless, it is temporary and it made my relationship with Christ stronger.

Despite His love for us, He hates our sins. He condemns our sin. He rebukes the enemy on us. He disciplines us, and makes us a NEW PERSON in His Son. If we have the same love for God and His Son, Jesus, we will also rebuke the sin. We will not be conformed in this world or desires of the flesh, rather, we will obey the law and His commandments.

I am not perfect, I am a sinner just like everyone. But I try to stand on what is right and abide in God’s law. Moreover, I practice love for one another as this is Jesus greatest commandment. That is why I am here NOT to shove my belief, NOR force, rather I’d like to help my brothers and sisters who want to have Jesus as their Lord and Savior. 

Remember friends, God and Jesus is ONE. Thus, He is the same, today and tomorrow, and His laws will never remain the same, now and forever. 

God bless us all! 

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Christmas Gift

Proverbs 3:12 because the Lord disciplines those he loves, as a father the son he delights in.

Just when I thought this Christmas is the saddest moment of my year, God showed me instead that it is the time to rejoice and start all over again.

My ex fiance left for good and went back to his country. Like a lost sheep, I was all alone and heartbrokened. I even questioned Him on why I was going through this problem.

However, it is during this hard time when God spoke to me and asked me to come home. God is my Lord and Savior, and He as my Father, disciplines me as His own daughter. He brought me back to the right track, just when I seem to be so lost. He understands how painful this discipline may be, but it is His way to remind me to trust His plans accordingly.

I know God will sustain me and help endure pain. For He gave me the most wonderful gift this Christmas, and it is the restoration of my relationship with Him.

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Fairy Tale No More.

The LORD is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit (Psalms 34:18).

About a month ago, I posted a blog about my engagement. Yes, I got engaged! However, TODAY my engagement has been called off. No third parties or whatsoever, it was a mutual decision. No one knows why we had to end this way. Both exerted efforts to fix things, and yet, it’s not enough.

For the past few months, I was restless and scared especially December is nearing end. I was unsure if I really wanted marriage with my ex boyfriend, because if I choose him, I will lose my daughter. It’s not that my daughter didn’t accept him, instead, it’s the other way around. He told me all his conditions even before he fought for me with his family. I agreed, probably I was fascinated with the idea of marriage. Weddings, engagement, etc. are all my delusional dreams ever since I broke up with the dad of my kid. So going back to the topic, we both decided to get married only because of sudden emotions.

Last weekend, my ex fiance started to feel dull. We had a huge fight, which even made me go back to my family’s house. At that time, I thought that was the end. But I took the courage to talk and fix things with him. So everything went back normal. Nevertheless, I was wrong. We are not totally fine. Relationship is still on the rocks. He is confused, and so am I.

We discussed all the issues and confusions this evening. I asked him to decide and this time around, it should be firm and final. I made it clear to him that he should not feel guilty for whatever decision he would come up with, since this decision is matter of life and death. Both of our future would rely on this, and he agreed.

Clocks ticking and minutes have passed, he hasn’t given me his answer, until the moment I was waiting for came. Actually, I don’t want to hear his decision. However, I should be brave enough to endure pain, since I’m mentally stronger than him.

He uttered the words, and finally decided not to pursue anymore due to constraints and other complications. For a minute, I felt numb. Tears started to drop and I can’t help it. All of a sudden, my dream wedding ended.

I had no choice but to accept his decisions. I needed to be strong and accept my long awaited punishment for all my sins in the past.

Now, I’m only praying for one thing, may God help me endure this pain ONCE AGAIN. I know I cannot handle this alone, and will never be. I’m not perfect and I commit sins. But God is a loving God, and His love will never fail.
To be continue…

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Engagement.

And I said, “Yes”! 

 

Seven years ago, I stopped fascinating about fairy tales, happy endings, forever, etc. I thought all these are fake and there’s no chance it will happen. However, one guy came to my life and changed my whole perspective.

After breaking up with my long term boyfriend, I decided to be single for a while. I chose to love and prioritize God above anything else. Since then, my life never felt so complete and happy. Until one day, this new guy came into my life.

He’s none other than the same guy, whom I was talking about in my previous posts. Our almost-one-year relationship is a struggle and we thought of giving up. With God’s grace, we overcome all challenges. A lot of issues arise and glad all of them are solved. Even before the engagement, we had a dinner with his family and mine to discuss marriage. God has never blessed me so much, and I couldn’t even ask for more. Although, I still have a few more wishes, I know in God’s time, things will be perfectly fine.