“Fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. (Hebrews 12:12)”
Have you ever wanted something in your life, so badly? Whether it is your job, money, fame or a person, we all have secret desires. In my case, I want MARRIAGE.
Following Jesus for almost two years takes a lot of effort. Actually, not from you, but Him.
After submitting my life to Christ, and being single for a year, I thought I was all set. I was mentally, psychologically and physically prepared for my future spouse. I prayed hard for Him to answer. I was very impatient.
I started asking God for a husband, until He sent what I needed. Yet, I was slow and careful in entering this relationship because I never wanted to get hurt. Nevertheless, I still grabbed the opportunity because of God’s comfirmation.
Over the course of our relationship, I know HE IS THE ONE — simply because GOD SAID SO.
I started rushing things, bringing the idea of marriage into it. In my mind, I have this picture of him and I saying our vows in the eyes of God. However, my future spouse isn’t ready yet.
He asked me to wait, while working on his relationship with God and his dreams. Although I completely understand what he wants, I started losing my patience.
I started to question Jesus regarding the man He sent me. My fears crippled in my heart, and raised in my thoughts. I tried to take things on my own, almost acted in God’s behalf.
I was selfish, not thinking about how my future spouse would feel. I constantly tried ending our relationship. Forcing him to marry me, else I would leave him. I even prayed hard to God, and asked for his wisdom over and over again if this relationship is really a part of His plans.
Until one day, I encountered this ministry about “Praying for your Future Spouse.” I realized that it is neither God nor my future spouse that was wrong, rather it was ME.
I idolized the idea of marriage. In my head, I created this picture of wedding and fairy tale endings. Thinking that it is okay to be in love with the idea because marriage is from God. The bible said, it is not good for man to be alone. So I craved for it, and I WAS WRONG. It became my IDOL.
I REPENTED and asked for God’s FORGIVENESS. I prayed for God to cleanse my heart of impurities, or anything that takes me away from His love. That He still needs to be NUMBER ONE in my life.
I realized marriage will NEVER complete me, that it takes HARD WORK of patience and unconditional love. And I’m not quite ready for that yet.
Nevertheless, God is FAITHFUL enough to continuously work on my heart, preparing me to be the RIGHT PERSON for my future spouse. He asked me to TRY IT AGAIN, but this time, WITH HIM. Thus, simply enjoying the courting period with my boyfriend, and helping each other to grow closer to Him.
Meanwhile, I will continue what God ordained me to do — MINISTRY. Waiting period could get lonely, but I know God is able. That He operates in SEASONS, so surely it will happen no matter how long it takes. All I need is FAITH.
And to my boyfriend, know that I will wait for you — when you’re finally ready because God already told you so.